50 First Dates
by Pathatlon
Summary: Inspired by 50 First Dates. Bella suffers from short-term memory loss, which makes the interaction with the Cullens different. Please R/R
1. Chapter 1

Inspired by 50 first dates. Bella suffers from short-term memory loss, which makes things a bit different when the Cullens arrive.

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**Chapter 1**

I was staring out the window when the cellphone on the table buzzed. I didn't want to answer and yet I ended up dragging myself to get it.

"Hey dad," I greeted him. My voice was apathetic.

"Hey kiddo," Charlie replied. His voice seemed rough as I remembered it, but there was a tinge of worry there as well. For a few seconds the silence felt loaded.

"I love you Bella," Charlie told me severely. I guess I'd had enough bad days for him to recognize when I had one. I smiled unbeknownst to him.

"Yeah, I love you too, dad," I told him truthfully. I breathed out and the silence stretched. "I'm sorry," I told him honestly and he was already cutting me off before I could end it.

"Don't be silly, Bella. This isn't your fault… I just want to know how to improve your situation. What do _you_ need?" Charlie's voice was honest and I tried to blink away the tears. I finally managed to pull myself together.

"I think I just need to take it in," I promised him and I forced myself to laugh lightly. I hoped his concerns were dulled. "It's crazy, but thank you and I love you," I told him. I moved to end the call and Charlie said a few helpful things more and then we hung up.

The house was eerily quiet.

As always, in Forks, the weather was shitty and today was no exception. While it didn't rain it was certainly not the best weather.

I stood still for a while, just letting the silence wash over me. I didn't even want to think about it.

To be honest, I just wanted to fall asleep and forget.

How many times had I done that already?

How many times had I awoken frightened?

How many times had I overcome my predicament and had a good day?

I couldn't imagine ever having a good day again. I couldn't imagine waking up and moving on.

How can you move on when you cannot remember the progress I've made?

It didn't seem easy.

And yet I _had_ had good days. I'd had days with productivity. I had shelves with books I didn't recall reading, but which I must've read. Each book had a summary from what I'd read previously and books read entirely had longer summaries along with thoughts and opinions. It seemed like I'd been very good at organizing.

And yet, in my current state, I couldn't fathom having the calm to read a book or the strength to overcome my predicament.

Charlie forced me to talk when he got home. I didn't remember him like this. Usually he was a quiet man. Now, he wanted to draw me out. It made me feel miserable for being miserable.

I went to bed early, just wanting to forget, and somewhat afraid as well. The fear I fell asleep with dissipated throughout the night and as morning came around I had no recollection of it ever happening.

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I stared at the card in my hand. It held my name and had been the first thing I saw as I woke. I vaguely recognized my surroundings as my room in Forks. This was weird, but I forced myself to be calm. I opened the card again and re-read the note. It was my own handwriting and it gave a short story about my condition. This was really odd.

I should cry, I should panic, but my card warned me of that. It seemed I had done enough of the already.

By the door stood a full length mirror; I didn't recognize the mirror but approached it.

I looked like myself. Mostly. Longer hair? I wasn't sure.

On the mirror was a note containing the date; it would seem I was 17 and a few months. Apparently I had had the accident over a year ago.

How odd. I was probably in shock, because I was accepting all this very easily.

"Bells?" Charlie's voice sounded from downstairs.

"Yeah?" I replied. I shuffled as I was suddenly anxious as what to expect. Charlie entered the room with caution, yet with confidence. My assessment was that it was a regular routine. I let out a small breath: he looked the same, though there were a few grey hairs.

"How are you?" His voice was firm and certain, not like the awkward tone I recalled. A lot had happened since I was 16.

"You must ask me that often," I wondered, suddenly curious. Charlie moved into the room with certainty and comfort. As if it was a usual routine.

"Yes," he replied. Silence fell. "You can turn on the TV. The DVD is in… Your journal is on the desk," he told me. "The planner is next to your journal. At ten o'clock I will be calling to check up on you," he continued. "The wristband on you contains numbers to me, your mother, your own cellphone, which is by your journal as well," he said. I nodded and recognized his pragmatic nature.

"I will… take it in," I replied. Charlie nodded and left me.

The DVD was of myself and obviously made somewhat recently.

It seemed I warned myself of being a nuisance, of panicking and freaking out. But at the same time I was surprised at how eager my DVD-self was at the prospect of self-discovery.

I learned that I made loads of tapes to myself. That I, when reading a book, would write a summary from where I'd ended from as to not read the same passage again and again. The books already read contained a longer summary along with the date made and my views and opinions.

I was mesmerized at how good I was. And I felt empowered.

The DVD let me know that I had my ups and downs and that some days I could just lie whining on my bed and others I'd be productive. I recognized this day to be productive.

By the time ten o'clock came around I'd sorted through my journal and was aware of previous projects, current and future. It felt like someone had made all of it and yet it was someone who knew me so extremely well.

A note from earlier this week mentioned a shopping trip. A list was attached, but I decided to go through the list again.

All the time I pondered how odd all of this was and how happy I was to be able to overcome it. It made me feel so empowered.

It also made me wonder about my bad days. How many did I have and how did Charlie handle it?

Currently my journal said I was on a leave from the facility I usually stayed at. Another note led to a whole section about Renee.

There was little bad and little which surprised me. She had been unable to cope with my condition and so she sent me to Charlie, who let me stay at a facility in Seattle, but kept close and had me home often. As everyone got used to the condition my stays with Charlie became longer. I knew why I stayed with Charlie rather than Renee, which was sad. It also made me a little angry that, in my time of need, my mother was still incapable of being a mother.

My phone beeped.

"Hey dad," I greeted him.

"How are you, Bells?" He asked. Suddenly it seemed as a loaded question.

"I think this is one of my good days," I replied. I heard in sigh in what I presumed was relief. How odd. "Do my bad days occur often?"

"A few times a week," he replied. I felt sorry for him. I remembered always taking care of my mother. She'd say I was older than I appeared. I'd always doubted this statement. Especially now if I was whining a lot…

But then again… always 16 mentally must be tough.

"I'm doing groceries today and I'm thinking about doing fish fry for tonight," I told Charlie in my need to treat him. I heard him groan and I chuckled, almost sad. I tried to heave myself up from the dark place. "I guess I'm treating you often, huh?" I wondered.

"I'm a simple man…" he replied with a gruff. I laughed lightly.

"We should make a list," I replied. Charlie agreed and as we hang up and I made a big list for the fridge. It contained dates and things eaten on those dates. Currently it said nothing, but tonight I'd make lasagna. Tomorrow would be different.

By the drive-way stood a sturdy car. My name was painted across it and I fished around my keys to see if there was a car-key. There was. I stared uncertain at the car. According to my DVD I'd just gotten my driver's license when I had an accident. Some drunk driver had hit me.

Again I wondered that I should feel different, but mostly it all seemed so surreal. There were no pains to remind me and it made it easy to forget.

It was only when I reached the store that I was reminded. The way people looked at me made me realize that _they_ certainly knew. Many of them greeted me, but with a wary attitude. Many I didn't recognize, but I assumed I had met them before.

Despite the weirdness I decided to go for a ride after I'd left the groceries at home. The trip took me around Forks and I was surprised to see how little had changed. It had been a while since I'd been here, as I had lived with Renee. I'd come here in the summer to visit Charlie, but I supposed I'd stayed mostly indoors.

At Newton's I stopped out of curiosity. I knew they had a son and I wondered how old he was now. I remembered him from my days as a child and from conversations. I'd yet to see any young people and they had probably changed the most.

"Hey Bella," a guy greeted me. He had light blond hair and a polite smile. I was surprised at his greeting.

"Eh…" I replied. "Hey," I ended lamely. "I supposed I've been here before," I said. I fished around for my journal to see if it said anything.

"Once in a while you come in to see how much I've changed," he smiled kindly and I returned the smile. He seemed friendly and open, but at the same time reserved. I recognized a pattern.

"Ahh, this was my objective now as well," I replied. "When was I here last?" I questioned.

"Two weeks ago. When you first arrived," he told me. I nodded absently and looked around.

"Shouldn't you be at school?" I wondered. I wondered if _I_ shouldn't be at school, but realized to futility of it.

"It's Saturday," he mentioned. I'd known that, but forgotten in my mental wanderings.

"Oh yeah," I replied. I looked around some more and he left me to my wanderings. I studied my journal to figure out where I was and soon I found the entry from when I'd visited.

The door-bell snapped me out of my reverie and I looked towards the front of the store. A group, by the sound of it, had entered. I was curious and moved forward and when I saw them I almost gasped.

I had never seen them before. Or obviously I didn't remember it. And even then I wondered if I could possibly forget such a beauty.

They were all incredibly beautiful. Jaw-dropping.

It was three guys and they looked to be a bit older than my current age. One of the boys, the youngest-looking one, looked towards me. His face was suddenly hostile, angry, and I stepped back involuntary.

The two others, a lanky blond guy and a bulky dark-haired guy, registered the change and moved to their friend. For what seemed like an eternity they took me in and then left the store in a rush. Only seconds had passed, though.

Only when they'd left did I realize I was holding my breath.

"Who were they?" I whispered. Mike Newton had missed the whole thing, but was just in time to see them drive off.

"Hmm… Dunno," he seemed perplexed, but let it go and left me for his duties.

For the rest of the day I felt jittery and uncomfortable. I was uncertain if I should write an entry about it in my book and I ended up not to.

I didn't want to remember such a weird encounter.

Charlie was home in time for dinner. He was carrying a package with him.

"This is for you. An idea you came up with a while ago," he said as he handed me the package. My first idea was to scan my memory of this incident, but I recalled my predicament.

I laughed, "how exiting, just like a Christmas present from myself," Charlie laughed with me as I opened the box carefully.

"You complained about not being able to find your notes well enough," Charlie explained. In my hand lay a small electronic notebook. It looked incredibly expensive. I looked inquiringly at Charlie.

"It's a tablet for you to write in and everything. The facility found it for you on your behalf. You're supposed to test it out to see if it makes your day easier…" Charlie explained.

"Perhaps it can make other people's lives easier," I nodded. I could already see the merits of this. Already I had issues with organizing and finding out when I had done something. Now I could organize much better and I would be able to find topics quicker. I'd be able to search "Newton" and all previous visits would come up…

I quickly settled into it and entered my journal into the electronic journal. By the time night arrived I'd made additional notes to myself explaining what I'd done today.

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	2. Chapter 2

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**Chapter 2**

I woke up with a start. Rain was pounding on my window, which was odd, as it rarely rained. When it did it was very little.

It took me a few seconds to realize my surroundings were different than I expected and I panicked.

"Mom?!" I called, frightened. Just before Charlie came through the door I recognized my surroundings.

"Bella?" Charlie's worried expression calmed me for a second.

"Why am I in Forks?" I asked confused. Charlie frowned and looked somewhat uncomfortable.

"Bella…" Charlie said. My gut was clenching and the rain was making me anxious. It seemed so ominous. "I think you should read this card," he gave me a card from the table by my bed. It had my name written clearly on it. It would've been the first thing I'd seen had I not freaked out.

As Charlie left me to it and I almost broke down reading the card. This was not possible. This was simply… far from possible. Impossible.

I tried to recall the events, but nothing made sense. I moved to the full length mirror in my room. I didn't remember it ever being there and looking into it I found the reliable me looking back at me. I looked the same.

A note was attached to the mirror with a date. I was 17. The accidents had been over a year ago.

I fumbled through notes and a shiny tablet to find any valuable information that might give me comfort, but instead it all made me fell more excluded.

"Bella?" Charlie was by my side as I cried.

"This is …" I was at a loss for words. He held me tighter. I tried to explain how I felt, but in the end we just sat there for hours and he explained what had happened. I recognized some of the information, which I'd read when I'd just found out.

"What about Renee?" I whispered hoarse.

"She's still with Phil. They're travelling," he told me. How odd. "They're trying to get him signed," Charlie said. I was surprised by his calm tone. No hint of regret.

"So she handed me to you?" I said cruelly.

"No, no," Charlie calmed me. "Bella, your mom and Phil moved on, and so did you… Most of your days are good… And when they are you are incredible. You may have lost your memory, but your life moves on… And I love having you here," he told me with a smile. I didn't doubt him, though I still worried.

"But you can't take care of me," I told him carefully.

"Usually you stay at a facility," his fingers lingered at my bracelet. I hadn't noticed it before. I could see all sorts of information on it, but mostly the name "Seattle Memory Disorder Clinic". How weird. I was calming down.

"Then why am I here?" I wondered.

"Well, I like to have you around. At the beginning you stayed at the clinic mostly, because we all had to adjust, even you… But as things got easier and you got your journal and such… Well it enabled you to live more normally… You've been with me for two weeks now and there's no restriction on the time you stay…" Charlie explained.

"Hmm…" I considered this.

"Before you'd stay just a week or a few days, but it became longer and longer periods… Apparently you prefer it here rather than at the clinic," he nodded towards the journal.

Most of the day was spent talking about my condition and my feelings and I ended up making a banner for my room.

I wasn't sure if I'd be less calm, but I'd rather not freak out again like today. The banner told me to stop freaking out and read my card.

I had to make reminders to my reminders. How weird.

I was still not entirely OK when I went to bed. And while I'd have loved to explore my journals and my tablet I had to admit that all I wanted was to forget.

Monday morning found me sitting on my bed with my card in hand. Charlie had awoken me before he left for work and had told me not to freak out. I followed his lead and read my card.

It was odd how calm I was, despite being in this situation, but by the time Charlie called I was considerably calm.

"Hey dad," I said. I felt awkward, but he seemed calm and collected.

"Hey Bells. How are you today?" He asked. I nodded to myself.

"A bit of a shocker," I admitted. I heard his gruff laugh.

"Yeah, I can imagine," he told me.

"I guess it always is," I hinted, curious.

"Usually, yes," he admitted. We talked a bit more and then I decided to clean the house and do the laundry.

I found the kitchen to be well stocked, so I wouldn't need to buy groceries. I also found a note on the fridge with information on what had been eaten for dinner the last few days. It seemed it had been started two days before, because it said Lasagna and Pizza.

I decided to treat Charlie today and make fish fry, so I wrote it on the list and made preparations in advance.

By the time lunch came around I felt utterly bored. I grabbed my notebooks, journal and tablet and went outside. The weather wasn't entirely bad. It seemed to be early summer, so I supposed that the summer vacation would be beginning soon.

I found a nice spot not far from the house where I continued my objective of incorporating all information into my apparently new tablet. It was interesting to read my mind and hear of my good and bad days.

With a nifty APP I categorized my journals into good days, bad days and in between. That way I'd have a pie-chart to show me how often I was feeling happy or sad. Currently it seemed very fifty/fifty. This I didn't like and I added the chart to the front as reminder to stay calm and stop freaking out.

As I sat playing with my tablet a shudder ran through me. I stared around, feeling watched, but found myself alone. I was uncomfortable and stood to leave when there was a rustling in the trees.

"Hello." The most musical voice said and I whirled around. Not far from me, at the edge of the forest, stood a young man. He seemed startled as his eyes were wide; like I had surprised him and not the other way around. I tried not to gawk at him, but he was incredibly handsome. I wasn't sure if handsome could quite describe it.

I would've considered this some more, but my attention was smoldered by his beautiful golden eyes. They were mesmerizing.

We both stood watching each other and his surprise gradually turned into a frown. I was sure I was just looking like a dumb girl with my mouth hanging open.

"Are you lost?" I asked as it seemed the most logical thing. It looked like he had just come out of the forest. His clothes, however, was neat and clean, so he couldn't have been there long. And it was too pretty for it to be for hiking. He could have worn leaves and I would honestly have believed him for a forest nymph of some other-worldly kind.

"No…" he trailed off. He seemed embarrassed.

"Okay…" I should leave, but I couldn't. It was like I had to hear what he would say next.

"I'm sorry for last time," he apologized swiftly. I frowned, obviously not recalling.

"I suffer from short term memory loss," I informed him, "so lucky you," I smiled kindly, wondering how he could ever have a need to apologize.

"I know… I mean, I found out, but I just wanted to apologize, because I was still rude," the beautiful boy explained. I just nodded numbly. I couldn't imagine how he could've been rude, as I couldn't imagine he and I interact.

"So before I forgive you do you want to tell me your crime?" My head was spinning. Some corner of my mind was wondering if my brain had suffered more damage than anticipated. This guy couldn't be real. His voice was just as heavenly as his appearance.

"I was just ill-mannered," he told me, not delving into details. I couldn't have cared less anyways. If this gorgeous guy needed my forgiveness I'd give it in a heartbeat. I felt a bit silly and shallow by this, but I couldn't ignore the truth of it.

"No worries, then," I told him. It was odd how he seemed to cling to the trees. I had subconsciously taken a step forward and he'd retreated one step as well.

"So do you live around here?" I wondered. He nodded. He was still apprehensive for some reason; as _I_ had scared _him._

"Yes, across from town," he pointed towards the other direction. "Just outside," he explained.

"Oh, where's your car?" I looked around curiously.

"I walked," he explained as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Forks might be a small town, but there was a lot of land in between neighbors, so it would've taken a while.

"There's an excellent hiking store not far from here," I told him, grasping for a subject lest our conversation die out and our meeting end. He smiled wistfully.

"I know," he told me. I nodded. "Do you… You don't attend school, obviously," he said. It wasn't a question and yet he seemed to wait for an answer.

"No, well with my condition I can't," I told him. "But on the plus side I rarely get bored," he smiled at this. "But I suppose it sucks to be stuck at 16 forever, while everyone around you age. I'll age as well, except in mind," I didn't mean to mutter, but he seemed to hear me fine.

"Stuck forever at 16," he said solemnly. I nodded and twisted my hair with my fingers to occupy myself.

"And you're not in school," I wondered. It was a weekday, so he should be. Unless I was wrong about the summer holidays. I didn't _think_ I was, but eventually I might be. The world would change and I wouldn't realize it. I frowned.

"What are you thinking?" He wondered, ignoring my school-related question. I looked into his eyes and blurted out the truth unthinkingly.

"How terrified I am for the future," I told him. He frowned.

"You're afraid of the changes that you won't understand?" He wondered. It felt like he had read my mind.

I laughed a little, "Can you read my mind?" I wondered embarrassed. He shook his head, but he was showing off a beautiful crooked smile. I noted how he still kept his distance.

For a few seconds we kept quiet and I fumbled with my tablet.

"What's that?" He questioned, noticing the tablet.

"It's a tablet," I told him. He rolled his eyes at me, as if to point out _well, obviously!_ I laughed lightly and felt a good sense of buoyancy. "I am writing my experiences in it, so that I know what I've done… I might not mind repetition, but people around me do," I told him.

"I suppose I hadn't really considered how you people function… So I might end up in it?" He wondered. I wasn't sure how to respond.

"_You_ people?" I wondered calmly. He seemed flustered.

"Not that I meant that as you know… I just referred to…" he trailed off when he saw me smirking at him. I wasn't certain where this freedom of speech came from. Usually I was shyer.

"I know," I told him. "You didn't seem pleased to end up in my tablet," I commented. I had noted he had frowned when the thought struck him. I wondered at it.

"I'd rather not," he told me frankly. I was hit by a sudden despair at the thought of not remembering someone like him. It couldn't be possible. I had to remember him.

"Well, I have to. How else will I remember you?" I told him with a smile and a light blush. His answering frown made me frown in return. I felt rejected.

"I suppose I have to go. I won't write about you," I carried on quickly. He nodded and I moved towards the house. I tried not to look back and when I finally did he was gone. I let out a huge sigh.

Was this how my life would be from now on? As my body aged my mind would always stay the same? How could I expect _him_ to be interested in me? Imagine waking up twenty years from now next to an old man!

I sniffled to myself, unable to hold in the tears. I was truly stuck at 16.

Of course I then ended up delving into the possibility that _he_ might simply not be interested in me. And of course he wouldn't. He was beautiful and perfect and I was… brain damaged…

Charlie found me sniffling when I got home.

"Bella?" He asked worried. "Is it too much?" His immediate concern was that I couldn't handle my condition. It was true, I supposed.

"I… I can never marry nor have kids. Imagine waking up, thinking like a 16 year old, but having a huge belly!" I cried frustrated. "Or that I wake up to an old man! Or that _I_ wake up an old lady! How will the future be?" I wondered frustrated. "But then again, what's the point if I cannot fall in love because I don't remember him…"

"Oh Bella!" Charlie soothed me. I was suddenly terrified of how my future would look. Right now I was 17. It was so close to 16. But 20? When everyone my age should be in collage? Or 30 when people had or began to settle down?

"I met a guy today," I told Charlie truthfully. I was surprised at my own baldness. Charlie seemed surprised and apprehensive. "I've never seen him before… I mean, I know people have changed since I was little, but I'd have recognized him… He was… "I wasn't sure if I should mention _breathtakingly beautiful_ to Charlie.

"Well, if it's anything to go by I met someone at the hospital who seemed quite… remarkable," Charlie said. He struggled for the words. "He's the new doctor and he looks like a movie star rather than a doctor," Charlie chuckled. "Met his wife as well as it was his first day," Charlie whistled and laughed. "Good thing he's married or all the nurses would be over him," he trailed off. I thought of my beautiful guy and found myself jealous at the thought of him married. Ever.

"I suppose we've had the same experience," I told him with a sigh.

"He has a lot of kids. Adopted all of them," Charlie said. After that I seemed to calm down and the more I thought about the guy in the woods the weirder the experience seemed to be.

Before I went to bed I wrote about him in my tablet, despite having promised not to. I had to. My first notion had been to reject him, as he had me, but as time ticked closer to bedtime, at to the inevitable nothingness, I found myself unwilling to forget.

When morning came around I was in a bad mood. I spent the entire day sulking in my room. Whatever written about the mysterious encounter seemed to me now really weird and odd.

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	3. Chapter 3

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**Chapter 3**

I was grocery shopping one Saturday afternoon. My mind was wandering back to the things I'd discovered today and I tried to make heads and tails of it all.

"Hello," a musical voice spoke and I froze. I looked up and into the most beautiful eyes I'd ever seen. I stood there, dumbstruck and feeling really stupid, yet unable to move. Or rather, uncertain of how I should place myself.

"I'm sorry, am I the way?" I questioned stupidly and I tried to move to the side. There was plenty of space, but this god-like creature couldn't possibly be talking to me, could he? I tried to wrack my brain for some recognition, but I had never seen him before.

"Oh no, we've met before," he told me. He had small smile on his lips, almost shy. I simply stared at him until I remembered an incident with a guy. I hadn't been exaggerating.

"Oh yeah, by the woods!" I said thrilled in recognition. His eyes lit up seemingly pleased that I remembered him.

"Ahh you wrote about me," he said while nodding to himself in understanding. He seemed pleased by this, despite me noting in my book how displeased he had been at the notion then. Things had apparently changed.

"I write about all I meet. Otherwise I forget," I tapped my head with my finger. He nodded and gestured for us to move down the aisle.

"What else did you write?" He wondered curiously.

I blushed, "not much more than that," I lied. I wasn't going to tell how I'd gushed about his looks or how weird I'd felt around him, or how painful it was to consider forgetting him.

"So, how are you doing today, Bella?" He asked me interested. I blushed at his familiarity and wished I could return it. I wished I had been less vague on our actual conversation rather than focusing so much on his looks and voice. What fascinating talk had we shared? When did I tell him my name? What did I know of him? What was _his_ name?

"I… I don't know what your name is," I admitted embarrassed. He halted and looked pained for a second. Then he politely bowed to me.

"Forgive me, Bella. That was rude of me. My name is Edward Cullen," he introduced himself. I tried to hold back a giggle embarrassed, but followed his lead.

"Hello Mr. Cullen, my name is Isabella Swan, but you can continue to call me Bella," I greeted him formally. He smiled a huge and comfortable smile, showing off his white teeth.

"What brought you to this town?" He continued with polite interest. I was getting more and more curious as to our earlier conversations. I wanted to ask about our earlier talks.

"Well, I'm staying with my dad, the Chief of Police," I replied. "And you? I don't remember seeing you… I mean, obviously I wouldn't remember, but I came to Forks each summer as a child and I think I would've remembered you…" I was blushing a lot when my rant ended, but he seemed not amused, but curious and serious. It made me more comfortable.

"We, my family and I, just moved here from Alaska. We live just outside of town. My brothers and sisters and I are adopted by Carlisle and Esme. I've been with them for a long, long time and to us all they're our parents… My sisters and brothers and I attend Forks High school…" He paused for a second to gauge my reaction. He had talked very factually, but I noted the hint of adoration when he spoke of Carlisle and Esme.

"That's very nice of Carlisle and Esme to take so many kids in. They must love you a lot, as you love them," I told him. He seemed startled by my statement and I paused to browse some things on sale.

I wasn't sure what I was browsing, truthfully. I was far too aware of Edward. He was standing close and I had never felt like this with any boy. My body was too aware of him and I took a step away in worry that I might jump him. This idea startled me as I had never been in love before.

In love?

How strange. And uncomfortable? I wasn't sure and looking at Edward didn't help things. I decided to wait with these thoughts for later.

"Bella, can I see you again?" I was startled from my reverie and looked into Edwards deep, golden eyes.

"Of course," I blurted out unthinkingly. He smiled a sheepish smile and nodded to himself, seemingly pleased. I supposed there wasn't much doubt: I might be a bit in love.

Edward followed me to my car and I spent the time memorizing how to ride it. I'd just gotten my driver's license and I'd rather not make a mistake. Luckily nothing happened and I drove home safely.

At home I proceeded to write down everything I knew about Edward Cullen. Despite being very descriptive I decided I would need a camera to document people. It surprised me that I hadn't thought of this sooner.

When Charlie got home I told him of my idea and he told me to talk to Renee as well.

By the time I was done talking to Renee we had decided I'd get a camera along with a computer and a printer. That way I could print my own pictures. I was thrilled at the prospect and would have been delighted to go buy it the next day had it not been a Sunday.

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	4. Chapter 4

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**Chapter 4**

Charlie was going fishing with Billy and Harry. He'd be back later and together we'd journey to La Push for dinner. While Charlie was gone I took a walk to clear my mind. I had my notes, journals and tablet with me and was going through everything.

I wasn't entire sure how I felt. Mostly I felt overwhelmed and a bit sad. I didn't really want to go to La Push, but then again: I never did. And if I never said yes then I never got to see them… And that seemed very rude, considering how close Charlie was to them.

I was sitting on a log not too far from the house, near the woods, when a sound interrupted my musings and conversion of written notes to tablet. I looked up and luckily managed to collect myself quickly.

There, by the trees, stood a young man. He was more handsome than any I'd ever seen and I did my best not to ogle. I think I succeeded.

My brain was running on overtime and I seemed to take in the surroundings, the day of week, him, his age and his looks.

He looked like a Greek god and I knew immediately who he had to be.

"Hello Edward?" it came out as a whisper and a question, but Edward seemed to hear me just fine as he broke into one of the loveliest smiles I'd ever seen.

"Hello Bella," he moved towards me slowly and his entire demeanor seemed to radiate carefulness. It made me sad that he felt uncomfortable around me or that anyone else did too.

"How are you?" He greeted me with a huge smile. His voice, a voice I had gushed over in my journal, was beyond words and I was sad to realize my words gave him so little justice.

"I'm well," I lied. Truth was that seeing him was making me sad as it reminded me of all my shortcomings. "Charlie is taking me to Seattle in a few days. I'm going to buy a laptop, a printer and a camera. That way I can document visually," I told him happily. He grinned back at me and moved closer.

"That's exciting," he told me, but his eyes seemed distant and musing. "Where will you go? I know a couple of places…" Edward started to talk about high tech equipment and I had to quickly stop him.

"I am sure all those gadgets are quite good," I quickly told him, "but I don't want to break anything. I just want something plain and simple," his brows puckered at this and I laughed lightly. It felt very easy to be with Edward and oddly familiar. "I don't actually _need_ something elaborate," I continued while watching his expression. He still looked displeased.

"Well, if you're getting something you should get the best. And with your condition something _plain and simple_ might not do you justice," Edward argued. My thoughts went to him and I didn't like not doing him justice.

"Yes, well, I don't have a doctor for a father," I muttered uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I was being inconsiderate," Edward told him. His sincerity made me look up into his eyes and immediately accepted his apology. "If you like I can join you and help you find the best and cheapest. I am quite good with technology," he told me proudly. I frowned at the thought.

Here was a guy, gorgeous and according to my notes I clearly liked him… But I didn't know him… My instincts screamed _yes!_ But I knew Charlie wouldn't allow it.

"I'm sorry, I think I made you uncomfortable," Edward apologized again when I hadn't answered. "I forgot this must be making you uncomfortable… And you have no idea who I am," he told me with an understanding tone.

"It's not that I don't want you to come… I feel very comfortable and safe with you," I told him truthfully. Emotions ran across his face and settled on happy. It surprised me how this could make him so pleased. "But… I mean… Perhaps if you could meet Charlie," I dredged that idea, but I knew I had to do _something_. Charlie would never let me go to Seattle alone or with anyone else. Especially one _he_ didn't know about.

"I'd love to meet your father, Bella," Edward surprised me. He was grinning at me and I responded with my own grin. I had no idea what this meant, but I was pleased that I hadn't done something utterly stupid yet.

"So… Tell me about our earlier encounters… I think I've been very vague," I told him truthfully. He nodded and sat down on the log, though a bit further away that I liked. I squashed this feeling.

"Well, there's not much to tell… We introduced ourselves to each other last time we saw each other, as we hadn't had the chance the first time," he told me. This surprised me. So this was a new acquaintance. "You look surprised," he said curious.

"I am, I suppose. I wrote that we seemed very familiar with each other, but we've only met three times now," I admitted.

"I supposed we made a lot of impact on each other," he told me. His eyes shone with sincerity, but I couldn't help but wonder how I could've impacted him. He felt so familiar to me, despite not remembering him, so I had no doubt about his powers.

"I suppose," I agreed lamely. "Tell me about your family. I have very little information," I urged him. "How come?" I wondered.

"Well, our meeting last time was short. I saw you at the grocery shop and decided to say hi," his voice emphasized _decided_. As if it was a conscious and deliberate decision rather a random happening. "I didn't tell you much, but if you like I could tell you some more," he seated himself more comfortably on the log as if readying for the Spanish inquisition.

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition," I joked and he grinned in return. My heart thudded and I blushed. I busied myself with my tablet to figure out what I'd ask.

"I think I will write down questions and then your answers. This way I can re-read it and know it all," I warned him. He seemed to take it well and urged me to continue.

The most of the day was spent this way and when Edward warned me that my father would be home in a minute I didn't even wonder _how_ he knew, but panicked instead.

"Would you rather wait with me meeting him?" Edward wondered with a crooked smile that I'd come to love. My heart fluttered

"I don't think it would make a difference. Would you?" I laughed lightly. It was easy joking about my condition with Edward. We moved towards the house just as Charlie's cruiser came into view. Instinctively I reached for Edward's hand, but managed, just in time, to pull myself back. If he noticed he didn't give any indication. I crossed my arms to keep my hands under control and Charlie stepped out of the cruiser.

"Hey Bella," he greeted happily, but I didn't miss the narrowing of his eyes when he looked towards Edward. A second later it was gone and as a gentleman he extended his hand towards Edward. "Hello, Charlie Swan, Chief of Police," Charlie greeted Edward with a bit of a warning. They shook hands and I felt a bit jealous that I had yet to touch him.

"Edward Cullen, Sir," Edward greeted my father flawlessly. I could only grin goofily.

"So, this was who you mentioned, Bella?" Charlie wondered. I had no idea what we had talked about, but mentioning didn't seem like me. I shrugged in response. I supposed I could make an exception when it came to Edward.

"So what have you been up to today?" Charlie invited Edward inside and I worried about the awkwardness, but Edward seemed to take it with an easy smile and a calm attitude.

"We've just been talking. We've met before and have talked a little," Edward informed Charlie. "Bella mentioned buying some things in Seattle…" Edward looked towards me in confirmation. He had seen so calm and collected, but now he seemed unsure. I took over.

"Edward's a bit of an expert. I wondered that he might help and he said yes," I edited. I didn't want to give fuel to any worries my father might have.

"Actually, _I_ asked if I could come," Edward added and I frowned. Charlie looked curiously towards me and I tried to avoid his gaze.

"Well, we'll talk about this later. But Edward, Bella and I have plans tonight, so we have to cut this short…" Charlie trailed off. We all stood.

"Of course," Edward said, extending his hand to Charlie. We said our farewells and Edward was very cordial towards me, but he didn't touch me.

My displeasure must've shown because Charlie chuckled when Edward had left.

"Very nice kid," Charlie commented. I knew exactly what he meant and it only displeased me a bit more. "And he seems to like you," Charlie continued. This made me stop my displeased attitude.

"Really?" I blurted out and then quickly amended, "We're just friends…" Charlie muttered something under his breath and then moved to the living room. I followed obediently.

"What do you feel?" Charlie questioned bluntly. His question surprised me and I waited a few seconds while deliberating.

"I like him," I told him truthfully.

"I don't want you hurt," he told me. "He's a very pretty face," Charlie said.

"I like what's beyond the face," I told him. Charlie cocked an eyebrow and I frowned. "I don't know… I just feel very familiar with him. And safe…" I wasn't sure where this was coming from and I continued on.

"Besides, I think _he's_ the one getting hurt," I replied in truth. There was no denying this. Delete a couple of files and Edward would be erased from my memory. He was not as lucky.

"I suppose you're right," Charlie conceded. He sighed deeply. "I'm in deep, Bells," Charlie admitted.

"Perhaps… Perhaps we just take it slow… He can come and you can get to know him… I mean, you have to remind me about him anyways…" It seemed an odd conversation and very serious. As if Edward and I was an item… Which we weren't. He was probably just nice.

"I guess he can come," Charlie allowed. I tried not to jump up and down. "And I guess you should write this down so that you don't reconsider," Charlie smiled at me and padded my knee.

On the trip to La Push I wrote down all I could in regards to Edward. I even mentioned that he seemed to be skipping school a lot, which wasn't a very healthy attitude.

"Charlie, Bella," Billy Black wheeled out of his house in his wheelchair. This surprised me and I wondered what happened.

"Hey Billy," I greeted kindly and he smiled and led us inside.

"Jacob, come say hi," Billy called and from the kitchen came a tall young man who I totally didn't recognize. Jacob Black had grown since I had met him last… of what I remembered anyway.

"Hello Jacob, nice to meet you," I greeted politely. He grinned at me.

"Not that long time ago," he assured me and I answered his grin with one of my own. Jacob seemed easy to be with. "What have you been up to?" I told him about my tablet and he proceeded to check it out for a few minutes. In the end he gave it back to me with an approval.

"So, Bella, have you settled in?" Billy asked conversationally. I assumed he meant into my room and I nodded in reply.

"I think so… I do feel home," I told him and I was surprised at how truthful this meant.

"And she made a new friend," Charlie added slyly. I blushed a lot over Charlie's implications.

"New friends are always welcome," Billy replied with kindness, but his eyes glinted with humor.

"I have to say I was impressed. I met the kid today. Nicest manner I've even seen in a kid. Especially these days," Charlie commented. "Just moved here with his family. His father is Carlisle Cullen from the hospital," Charlie informed. There was a _thud_ and Billy had put his bear down hard onto the table. The collision with the table made the bear overflow.

"I've heard about them," Billy said frostily. This surprised me, though his tone surprised me more. I wasn't sure if I had imagined his cold eyes, but suddenly they were replaced with kind ones and Billy turned to Charlie.

"I suppose it'll be a bit difficult for Bella to keep friends with her condition," Billy said. The words would've been kind and inquiring had his tone not been so cold and factual. I flushed in discomfort. Charlie frowned.

"The kid seemed nice enough and as Bella said herself: he got the short straw," Charlie replied, obviously not sure about Billy's attitude.

As Billy was about to continue Charlie cut in, "Jacob, can you show Bella La Push? I'm sure she'd like to see the tidal pools… Just don't fall in," he grinned at me, but his eyes lacked merriment. I frowned and recognized the dismissal.

"What was that about?" I whispered.

"Sorry about that," Jacob looked sincerely sorry and embarrassed. "It's really stupid…" we moved towards the beach and I drew my jacket closer around me. "My dad has some issues with the family," Jacob told me. This surprised me as I thought they were newcomers.

"I thought they just moved here?" Had Edward lied?

"Yeah, they did… But…" he laughed discomforted but calmed when he saw my frustration. "It's all very silly," he said again and I urged him to go on. "You see, our legends say our ancestors could turn into wolves," Jacob started out. I had no idea what to expect, but legends was certainly not it.

"Legends?" I asked curious.

"Yeah, apparently they turned into wolves because it the only thing that can kill a Cold One," Jacob continued. He noticed my disbelief and laughed, "A vampire," he told me. I shook my head with a smile.

"The point?" I wondered and he shushed me. I fell quiet and expectant.

"Well, one time a group of Cold Ones –vampires – arrived and my great grandfather made a treaty with them. The cold ones claimed they were not like other vampires. That they drank from animals instead of humans and were supposedly not dangerous," Jacob checked my expression, but I was curious and he continued.

"Supposedly the group of vampires from that time is the same that arrived now – the Cullens," Jacob ended and then added, "I suppose I broke the treaty now…"

"Don't worry. I won't remember," I joked and he laughed. "But seriously?" I wondered. Jacob laughed and nodded.

"The elders have issued a statement that no one from La Push can use the hospital," Jacob explained. "They are… believers," he trailed off again.

"How odd," I commented. I wasn't sure how to take it and I mentally began to question what I knew about Edward. The list was short. "He seems very human to me," I admitted and Jacob shrugged.

By the time we were back Charlie and Billy were back to being friends and had even prepared dinner. The rest of the evening was spent comfortably.

When I got home I wrote down everything that had happened and made sure I'd find it again.

When morning came around and I read it, it helped me out of my bad day as I found it so odd and funny.

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	5. Chapter 5

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**Chapter 5**

It was eleven o'clock on a Saturday morning. I had been given time to read my tablet and get acquainted with the world before Charlie and I were to go to Seattle. Apparently a friend of mine would be joining us and I had made my research on this new friend, but truth be told: it had only made me confused.

He was breathtaking

He was gorgeous

He was kind

He was funny

He was clever

He was perfect

And rumors were that he was a vampire.

I laughed when I summed up what I had read. Clearly I liked to tease myself.

Of course, when Edward did arrive all my distrust disappeared and suddenly, just for a few seconds, I was absolutely convinced that he was a vampire.

This guy could not be human.

And then I was reminded that it was day time and that he obviously wasn't sleeping somewhere in a coffin.

And then I wondered why on _earth_ someone like him was being my friend.

But as he looked and me he smiled the biggest smile and I blushed and returned it. On instinct I moved towards him and came to a halt not far from him.

"Hey," I whispered and I cleared my throat. "You're Edward?" It sounded like a question, but of course he was. My description of him had improved. I'd seen earlier descriptions and read how vague they had been. The newest description had done him more justice.

"Hello Bella," he replied with the sweetest of smiles. I felt that my heart might explode, which surprised me. Clearly he was handsome, but already I felt in love.

This knowledge distracted me and I turned to Charlie, just as he left the house. I wasn't sure what this meant, but it was undeniable that when I looked at Edward I was definitely in love.

We took the cruiser, as much as I hated it, but Charlie was kind enough to let Edward and me sit on the backseat together. We spent most of the trip talking about our families and I was embarrassed at how curious he was to _my_ life. It seemed so dull in comparison.

Even in Seattle Charlie gave us space. He even let us be alone when he went to watch some fishing equipment while Edward lectured me about technology and whatnot.

"So, have you decided?" Charlie eventually returned. Edward and I were standing with a salesman.

"I just told your daughter about this equipment," the salesman gestured to some very advanced equipment and Charlie coughed.

"Apparently this store sells products for people with memory issues and so they made _this_ package. It just came out recently and it's really cheap," I told Charlie. I could see he was impressed, even more so when I told him the price.

"So… Can't anyone just say they have _issues_ and then buy this?" Charlie wondered and the salesman shook his head.

"We have to see proof. A most generous donation was offered along with a partnership to several clinics working with brain issues. This was started up only yesterday, so you're actually our second customer," the salesman said happily. I grinned at how perfect this was turning out to be.

"Do you know who donated?" Charlie wondered.

"No. But usually it's emotions that control donations. People donate to cancer research because they know someone with cancer… I suppose it could be a person who has someone in their lives with brain issues," the salesman replied. Charlie seemed moved by this, which surprised me. Edward seemed oddly quiet.

The trip home was spent in relative silence and Charlie later confided in me that he had been very moved by the donation. To help other people with such a generous donation meant a lot to him.

Edward helped me set it all up. He had also promised to help me with the equipment. He told me it was state of the art and that he made sure that I got to know it inside out. When I told him of my issues with remembering he had grinned and said he'd help till I remembered.

Till I remembered, which I would never do, which would mean I would see him… really often. The thought made me want to scream in happiness and managed to keep it to a grin instead.

"I'm going to break it," I fretted to Edward. He laughed at me.

"Come on, Bella," He laughed, "It's easy. I've made a step-by-step guide…"

"Yes, well… I will still fail utterly," I told him. He laughed again and I snatched up the high tech camera.

_CLICK_

I took a picture of him and he raised an eyebrow. "This was the purpose, you know," I told him. I took out the memory card and slid it into the computer. I followed Edward's steps till the picture came onto the screen of my new laptop. For the briefest of moments I wondered if he'd show up on the photo and then I giggled to myself.

"What?" Edward wondered curious

"Nothing," I replied. This seemed to frustrate him, but the sound of the printer starting distracted him.

"Well, it looks like you," I said as I examined the picture of Edward. Somehow this surprised me. I couldn't imagine Edward on print.

"You seem so surprised," he teased me. He _teased_ me. I tried not to blush and failed.

"Yeah, well," I muttered and laid down the picture. Edward snatched it and examined it as well. I waited patiently.

"You want to print them?" He wondered and I shook my head.

"Ideally I would just like to add them to my tablet, so that when I press "Edward Cullen" your picture pops up along with everything stored about you." He seemed to consider this.

"I think I might know a program that will make things easier for you," he told me.

"No guide… If I have to follow a guide every day I will go mad," I warned him. He laughed.

"I'll make a program for you specifically," Edward shrugged and I faltered.

"_What?_" I stared at Edward.

"Oh… Erm…," Edward faltered as well.

"You can do that?" I asked with an interested voice in hope of elevating the awkward situation. Edward seemed to be able to do everything.

"Basic stuff… Everyone can do it…" Edward murmured clearly embarrassed. I reached out and took his hand. It stung as I touched him and we both recoiled. It was as if an electric current had passed between us and my heart felt like it could jump out of my chest.

"Good chemistry," I joked, blushing. I forced myself to reach for his hand again and for a moment he seemed uncertain as if to let me or not. He let me.

His hand was cold. As if he had had them under the cold water. I didn't react, but looked into his eyes with all the sincerity I could muster.

I said, "thank you for your help, Edward". He seemed at loss for word. For a second I felt grieved that I wouldn't remember him in the morning, but Charlie interrupted us and pulled me out of the hole I had dug for myself.

"Edward, I need some help, could you come?" Charlie asked. He motioned for me to stay and I frowned. Edward smiled calmly at me and I felt more relaxed as I watched them wander of.

I wanted to listen in, but I didn't. But when Edward came back, with his usual crooked smile, I couldn't help but be curious.

"So, come walk with me?" I asked. "I think I've had enough of this… stuff, for one evening," I told him honestly. Charlie looked towards us as we left the house, or rather, he looked towards Edward.

And I knew what was happening.

"Sorry about my dad," I broke the silence first. My hands clenched in discomfort.

"Don't be," Edward replied, not even pretending that the conversation they'd had hadn't been about me.

"I think he's right," I stopped. I didn't want to admit it, but in the morning I would have no idea of who Edward Cullen was. Edward stood inhumanly still.

"Are you breaking up with me?" His words we oddly innocent and yet extremely powerful. I wanted it so much that it hurt. And yet, I had no idea when we had become an item.

"Is that what we are?" I whispered. "I don't remember," and this was the crux of the problem.

"If you want to," he replied. His eyes seemed so far away and suddenly so dark.

"Tomorrow I won't know who you are… You have your entire life ahead of you," I replied. I hadn't wanted this conversation. I had never dreamed that I would eventually have such a conversation. And yet here I was, breaking my own heart for some guy I had known for a day.

And yet my entire being just screamed at me. Told me that I knew him, that I recognized him. That tomorrow would be different.

"Your father reminded me of it," Edward said. His eyes turned dark and steel-like. "I only want you!" And suddenly we were professing our love to each other and as I started crying, promising that I wanted him too and whispering loving words to each other.

By the time I got home Charlie was worried.

"I want him and he wants me. The rest we'll deal with as it comes," I told him. He hugged me tightly and told me he loved me.

I wrote it all down and hoped to the gods that I would remember him.

Of course, as I woke the next day I was totally confused as to where I was. But oddly enough: my spirit was soaring.

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	6. Chapter 6

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**Chapter 6**

Edward was coming over today. I was excited. My tablet had notes all over it about him. My background was him as well as little hearts. It was all pointing towards a relationship.

It felt utterly ridiculous. Especially since, currently, I had no idea who he was, except for his picture and what I'd read about him.

How could someone like him like me?

At some level I _knew_ this wasn't a cruel joke. And it made me utterly excited.

"Calm down, Bella," Charlie told me. I knew he was enjoying seeing me like this. Oddly enough, ever since Edward came into my life my happy-days had taken over the pie-chart.

Even when I awoke in the mornings, with no memory what so ever, I felt calm and serene. I felt as if I was in the right place.

Today was Friday and Edward was scheduled to arrive after school. I had noted that he seemed to miss school a lot and I didn't appreciate it, so I had asked him to pull himself together.

Now, almost every day, Edward would come by after school and visit me.

I'd spend all the hours he was in school reading up on him and trying to invent myself. I have no idea if I succeeded or not, as Edward seemed oblivious as I was. Something in me strove to be the best I could, despite not remembering meeting him yet. A part of me remembered him and told me that this was _right_.

"Perhaps you suffer from short term memory loss as well," I mentioned with a grin. It was easy to be with Edward. I knew had he been anyone else I would still be blushing and uncomfortable. The moment Edward walked through my door I just felt a sort of recognition. Not a visual one or physical one, but emotional. I _knew_ this man.

"Haha," he laughed truly, "well, I might when I am around you," he made me blush and we moved closer to each other. He was touching my cheek with his cold fingers and I enjoyed the bliss it gave me.

"How come your fingers are cold?" I asked. My mind strayed to a passage I'd read in my tablet about Edward being a vampire. I laughed and Edward raised an eyebrow. "I wrote in my notebook that you are a vampire," I explained. His expression froze and I laughed as he teased me.

"Indeed," his eyes glinted with mirth.

"Oh yes," I laughed again. I wish I knew what had gone on in my mind when I had written it. "Jacob Black, from la Push, told me all about it," I teased him. His smile was strained and I fell quiet.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that," Edward confessed sadly. He tried to move away, but I didn't let him.

"Don't be silly, Edward," I told him and leaned closer in comfort, "I don't care about what other people think," I reminded him.

"You should," Edward replied sincerely. He seemed more still than usual and I looked into his eyes.

"What are you saying? Why are you so uncomfortable?" Was I breaking some rule I didn't know about? What had I forgotten?

"What if I was?" He moved so that we sat directly across from each other. His face and eyes were serious. I frowned.

"A vampire?" I asked curious. He nodded. "I… I suppose I would sincerely doubt it… What about coffins and… dungeons… crypts and whatnot…" I pointed out. He rolled his eyes at me.

"I'm not a good person, Bella. I-"he frowned and I sighed. I had read that he seemed to have self-esteem issues.

"You're taking the self-esteem issues to an entirely new level," I muttered. He smiled his crooked smile.

"But I'm still not worthy of you," he concluded.

"Edward… in the morning I will have no idea who you are. Yet every time we meet you remind me. I have dozens of picture of you, of us, and when I see you on them, before we meet and greet, I just _know_ that you're wonderful…" I told him sincerely.

"I feel so safe with you… I wake up every day happy. My pie-chart is all happiness now!" I laughed and he moved to kiss me. It was light and tender. He was very careful with me. The kiss was chaste and polite, but I could feel the longing in it. Whenever I tried to press it he'd move away. It made me sad.

"I want you to meet my family," he told me. I nodded. We'd had this conversation before and I'd pushed it off for another day… where I'd done it again.

"I have a busy week," I reminded him. Tomorrow I would be visiting the clinic.

"It's sunny on Sunday," he told me. I nodded and leaned back, pulling him with me. We lay in each other's arms for a while.

"Wanna hang out?" I wondered about Sunday. He moved back again to look at me fully. He seemed anxious.

"I- I want to show you something," he told me. I nodded and urged for him to go on. "On Sunday..." when I nodded again he leaned back to me and I drifted off to sleep.

I awoke in the morning with a start and a mild panic attack. It took me a few minutes for me to calm myself down and realize what was happening. It was early morning and I still felt tired, yet I felt as if I had been awoken. I looked around my room and let go of the notion as other worries began to invade.

After I read my apparently obligatory card and seen my DVD, I moved to the full length mirror.

The full length mirror showed me as I remembered, but according to the date I was 17 years old.

Over a year.

I had lost over a year. It seemed really weird; incomprehensible. I had solid proof through DVDs, but it was hard to grasp. Oddly enough I didn't panic. I felt quite at ease.

"Bella?" Charlie stuck his head in later and seemed surprised that I was up.

"Hey dad," I hugged him and smiled. It was odd how light-headed and calm I felt, but I was pretty sure it was a good things, lest I totally freak out.

"You're chipper," he smiled in return.

"Am I usually not?" I wondered. He smiled a great smile.

"Yes, actually… but then again, I suspect it's due to a certain someone," Charlie said mysteriously.

"Ahh… I noticed something on my tablet," I nodded in understanding. "Is he… nice?" I wondered, but I knew that answer to that. I just _knew_ he was wonderful.

Charlie considered the question and then nodded, "he's a nice kid." Charlie left me to myself and I was reminded through my pretty awesome tablet that I apparently had a schedule and things to do.

How odd.

I supposed, in the overall perspective, I must have a pretty normal life and routine. Things seemed to be planned down to the smallest degree and everything seemed accounted for. Yet on a personal level I felt a bit claustrophobic and stressed.

On our way to the clinic I spent more time reading up on my doings and quite a bit time was spent analyzing Edward. I'd found a funny note from myself, something about Edward being a vampire. I wish I knew the joke behind it.

Most of the time was actually spent staring at Edward's picture. Had I not seen a picture of him and me together I would have doubted we were dating.

"I am curious, though," I said to Charlie as we neared Seattle. "How is it possible for me to have a boyfriend?" I had a discomforting sense at the thought of losing said boyfriend and I ignored it, as I didn't understand it and it seemed I had more pressing matters.

"I dunno," Charlie replied honestly. "But you both seem to be doing pretty fine…" he trailed off thoughtfully and I left him to himself.

Staring at the picture of Edward and myself I had a sense of _rightness_ and recognition.

At the clinic we were greeted by a doctor, whom Charlie found familiar.

"Bella, Charlie!" I had only managed to read up on a little info regarding him.

"Doctor Peterson," Charlie greeted him and I followed his movements and greeted as well.

"We're very exciting to hear what you have to say, Bella, so let's get started…" I was let to a small conference room where two other doctors sat awaiting us. Both seemed kind and welcoming and I didn't feel any unease. In a sense it felt good to tackle my problems analytically rather than the emotional turmoil I felt.

I had a lot of questions for them and I spent much time writing the answers down on my tablet. I took pictures as well to ensure I had a good view of who each of the doctors were and what our connection was.

They were incredibly impressed with my technology, but I had to admit I had no idea where I'd gotten my fancy applications from, which seemed to have been designed specifically for me.

We spent the next few hours talking. I spoke about the technology I was using and how it improved my life. How I seemed to have a regular schedule I was possibly able to do new things instead of repeats.

Charlie spoke of what he had experienced and I was surprised when he mentioned Edward.

"It's not entire uncommon for Bella to get a boyfriend," one of the female doctors mentioned. Charlie nodded. I supposed he was worried.

"I think Charlie's just worried," I smiled at Charlie. "But … Edward is just amazing!" I told them with conviction.

"And how do you know that?" Doctor Peterson wondered. His tone wasn't unkind or cold, but friendly and curious.

"I… don't know," I replied with a frown.

"Well, it's true, though," Charlie spoke up. I was surprised again. "Ever since they started dating Bella has more and more 'happy-days'. She's barely awoken and already I see the love in her eyes. I mean, he's a handsome bloke, but something… it's as if she remembers him," Charlie sighed.

I was surprised at this news and the doctors seemed to consider it as well.

"He just seems _safe_ and… I just _know_ him," I realized how stupid it sounded, but I had no other way of explaining.

"Bella, we'd like for you to come back and do some tests. This is an interesting development and we'd like to track it," Doctor Peterson said as the meeting concluded.

On the way home Charlie and I spoke a little. I was curious as to what he had observed and he repeated what he had seen. It did seem as if I knew exactly who Edward was. The thought made my stomach flutter.

We ate at the local diner that night. Conversation was sparse, but not awkward. I went to bed early with butterflies in my stomach as I knew I would be seeing Edward tomorrow.

When awoke the next morning I was surprised to find myself not where I expected, but not worried.

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	7. Chapter 7

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**Chapter 7**

"We match!" Edward was grinning at me and I tried to respond coherently. Despite having prepared all morning I was still dumbstruck by how incredible Edward looked. When I finally managed to think coherently I realized what he meant.

"Oh," I replied stupidly. I looked at myself and at him. Our clothes matched. Our looks: far from it. He seemed to be some sort of perfect God. Not even a superstar could pull it off. There was something special about him, I was quick to note, and I realized my tablet was totally correct when it mentioned I recognized him. Event his pictures had seemed familiar, but as I looked at him I could feel it as well.

I had wondered what he was doing with _me_, but I had concluded that it was unproductive thoughts and he had clearly decided and I shouldn't waste my time whining.

"Hello Edward," Charlie greeted Edward familiarly and I sighed to myself. Edward seemed to notice and grinned at me hugely. I couldn't help but respond with a huge grin of my own.

"Hello, Charlie," they shook hands and I was painfully aware that I wanted to touch Edward as well.

I might have tried to be inconspicuous about it. I moved a bit closer to Edward and touched his arm ever so lightly. Of course, in my state of mind, or lack thereof, I didn't realize that both Charlie and Edward seemed to notice. When I did I blushed to my roots. Edward just grinned again and grasped my hand, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

His hand was very cold and yet I didn't want it any other way. I knew this hand and I knew it would be cold. I wasn't sure _how_ I knew, but I was certainly not surprised by it.

After Charlie said his farewells to us we moved out to Edwards "Shiny Volvo", as I had apparently called it on previous occasions.

"So, what's the plan? I forgot," I teased him with a wink and he just laughed loudly in response. He seemed very much in love and the thought made my heart stutter. I was too.

"It's a picnic, of a kind. And… I wanted to share something very private with you," he told me seriously. I considered this and I felt honored that he'd share. Of course, I'd forget and so I was probably a perfect person to tell secrets to.

"This is exciting. Where is the picnic going to be?" I wondered. I tried to remember what Forks held, but nothing came up. I looked out the windows towards the clouds to assess the mood of the day. It might turn sunny later.

"It'll be sunny later," Edward told me. I nodded I response.

"When are the summer holidays?" I questioned curiously.

"In two weeks, actually," he grinned again. "No more school for a while and I can spend more time with you;" the thought made my heart stutter and he grinned, almost as if he had heard it. I blushed, of course.

"Only Forks has a constant cloud cover in the summer," I said with a sigh.

"Do you miss Florida?" Edward wondered.

"I never told you?" I replied. I considered the question. "Right now I miss the warmth… But I suppose other things usually occupy my mind for me to really miss it… and if I do miss it I don't remember…" I told him.

"I know you love the sun. The blistering heat," he told me. I looked at him surprised. Those were my words when I described my home.

"Yeah, I do… but I think Forks is growing on me," I grinned at him and he leaned his head back and laughed freely. I liked when he did that, I decided.

When the car came to a halt we were by the woods. Edward had told me we'd have to hike and I was a bit anxious about it. I wasn't a hiking type and I worried I might drag him down.

"You and your family hike, right?" I recalled. He nodded and gave me another smile.

"Yeah. Emmet and Jasper and I we often go hiking…" Edward explained. I recalled some more.

"And Rosalie and Alice like to shop a lot," I added. Edward laughed again.

"Yes, but they do like to hike as well. Whenever the weather's nice we go hiking," he confided.

"Even on school-days," I tutted at him in recollection of what I'd read earlier. "I seem to recall reading that you skip school a lot, Mr. Cullen… in fact, the first time we met you had skipped school," he looked alarmed for a moment and I laughed at his expression. It softened and he shook his head at me with a smile on his lips.

"Of course I find a girlfriend who, despite suffering from short term memory loss, still makes sure she recalls my shortcomings," he told me with a grin, but I was far too occupied by the word _girlfriend._

I stopped and Edward followed suit. "I'm your girlfriend," I stated and he nodded. I grinned. "Then we should kiss!" I demanded. He laughed at me and moved closer. My chest felt like exploded from eagerness, happiness and butterflies.

The kiss was sweet and Edward was very gentle. It was nothing like I'd expected. Of course, my reaction ended up being totally unexpected as well, as I clung to Edward and nearly forced myself on him.

A part of me registered that he wasn't moving and I managed to disentangle myself.

"Oops," I told him apologetically. He smiled in return.

"No worries, love… I'm used to it," he winked at me and trekked onwards.

After a while Edward said, "Do you see the light ahead?" I was squinting, but saw nothing. As we neared I could finally see and I wanted to race forward to see what Edward had in store. However, Edward stayed between the trees and I ended up going back to him.

"I realize living in Forks might make people afraid of the sun," I joked and Edward looked nervous. I frowned and fell quiet.

"Perhaps we can sit here for a while?" He asked and put down our stuff. We were reasonably hidden from the sun, but I complied anyway. I wanted to ask, but I decided against it.

"Bella… Finding you have been the best thing in my life," Edward said and my heard thudded. "You seem to be perfect for me," he added with almost a sour grin. I frowned. "You forget when you fall asleep," he whispered. I managed to hear him.

"Yeah?" I wanted to joke to lighten the mood, but I also wanted to give him space.

"I don't want to scare you," he told me truthfully. I wasn't scared, not at all. In his presence I felt a deep calm and comfort. It was odd, but I was so certain that no other person could make me feel this way.

"I'm not scared of you," I promised.

"You always say so…" he frowned again. I reached out and touched his cold arm. "Can you find Jacob Black in your tablet and read it?" He asked. I nodded and located Jacob Black in my tablet. A pretty pictured accompanied the notes I had about him.

I skimmed the notes, not certain of what I looked for, until a word struck me. _Vampire_. I read what had happened and frowned.

"Edward…" I trailed off, uncertain. "I don't get it," I told him truthfully. Was there something with this Jacob Black I didn't know about?

"Jacob told you about the legend… The truth is: it's the truth," Edward said quickly. It took me a few moments to realize what he had actually said and I quirked an eyebrow. Edward didn't seem to me like a liar, or a weirdo, but then again, I had no idea who he was. Charlie vouched for him, however. I sat still, waiting.

"I want show you the truth. To tell you why my skin is cold… I'm not dangerous," he told me with conviction. I wasn't afraid.

Edward moved and before I had the chance to register anything he was standing. I gasped and stilled. Thoughts moved through my mind at high speed trying to make sense.

"Ask me anything. Tell me what to do for you to believe me… I won't lie," he promised. He sat still, but further away from me. I accepted the distance and for what seemed like a very long time I just sat thinking.

"Move to that tree," I pointed towards the tree and he was already there. I actually had to look back to where he had been to be sure he wasn't still there.

"Move to the tree-top," I commanded and he did so.

"Break that tree-trunk," I commanded once more and Edward did my bidding. For a few minutes I commanded things from him and he never seemed to tire.

I considered this. What surprised me the most was how unsurprised I seemed to be.

"I feel safe around you," I frowned. I felt safe. Why was that?

"Yes," he frowned too.

"You mentioned my condition… as if it was a good thing…" I mentioned curious.

Edward sighed and said, "the truth is: I feel like a monster. I want you to be safe. I tried to make you safe. It would be easy and you can forget so easily… But the thought of you forgetting me…" he trailed off. "I once told you not to write about me… You agreed and my heart just… You can't imagine the pain. I want it and when I got it I just couldn't handle it…" he laughed bitterly to himself.

I was silent and uncertain of what to say. Eventually I wondered: "have you made up your mind?"

"I don't want you to forget me. I have to be near you," he told me with such conviction that I felt utterly cherished and loved.

After a while I changed the subject to a lighter topic. "How can you be outside in daylight," I questioned.

"We don't sleep. Ever. And we don't burn in the sun… We do something different. But it makes it very obvious that we're vampires," he explained. He still kept his distance.

"Your diet was… animals?" I questioned recalling Jacob's tale. Edward nodded. "Go into the sun," I commanded and Edward did what I told him.

Had I been in doubt I was it no longer. This could not be fabricated. Edward in the sun was… incredible. I had to ask him to join me in the shadows again lest I lose my sanity and jump him.

"Why is that?" I wondered

"We're meant to be predators. Everything pulls you in," he told me.

"Like your breath," I recalled. He grinned at me.

"You're taking it well," he commented.

"I suppose I'm not surprised. I just… _know _you…" a thought began to play in my mind. "You don't ever sleep," I told him. He straightened and I knew that he knew what I was asking.

"I will give you whatever you want…" he promised me. "Before… I'd never want to let anyone be changed, but meeting you… I don't have a choice… If I force you to stay human, because of _my_ beliefs… I would do it to keep your life, but I realized you have no life…" he trailed off. I nodded in agreement.

"This is no life," I told him truthfully. Living day to day, always forgetting... For a while we sat there thinking until I broke the silence. "How does it work?"

"You're bitten. The venom in our spit changes you. It's very painful," his tone was factual and I realized he didn't like then pain.

"I think I'd take the chance," I told him. He nodded.

"How do I remember?" I asked. He ran a hand through his hair. For a while he spoke of his family, especially one of them called Alice, and he told me of idea they'd had. We opted to tape Edward and his family doing their _thing_ and then secure it so that only I could gain access. Furthermore, I started a journal in regards of only this subject where I wrote all questions and answers as well and my feelings.

The biggest thing we spoke of that day was _mates_. Of course I had already known that Edward was precious to me, but as he spoke of mates and the bond they shared I realized just _how_ precious Edward really was. There was no doubt in my mind that Edward was my mate.

As we discussed it some more I decided I should meet his family; unless I'd met them before.

"No, you haven't. You've been putting it off… Which is funny, really. You didn't want to meet them when they were _human_, but you do when you know their true nature," I laughed at Edward and told him to drive, before I actually did change my mind.

From the meadow we went directly to the Cullen house. I was a bit anxious, but I was mostly excited.

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	8. Chapter 8

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**Chapter 8**

"It's beautiful," I commented. Edward had in the blink of an eye gotten out of his car and opened my door.

"It's the only place we're truly free," he said and found my camera. "Want to tape it?"

"It can do that?" I wondered. He laughed in response and I rolled my eyes of him. I had a few recent videos and I supposed I had to have taped them with something. "So, give it here." I turned the tape button, "you should run to your front door," I said and Edward was already there. "Hmm… wonder if I caught that," I mentioned. I put the video away, wanting to meet his family before I started taping them. Edward was by my side in an instant.

"You okay?" He asked. I was okay; more than okay. Suddenly I had a chance to be normal again and I just wanted to burst with happiness, though the idea of spending eternity with Edward was pretty alluring, too.

"Definitely more than okay," I assured him. Together we moved towards the front door.

The room we entered was huge and incredibly light. There were art pieces scattered around the room and a huge piano stood on a small podium. When I dragged my gaze away I noticed to occupants: closest to us stood two magnificent people. They were incredibly beautiful both of them. The male had very kind eyes as he regarded me. The female she had a slightly rounder face, making her look very motherly. I supposed this would be Carlisle and Esme.

Not far from them stood four other people. The first I noticed was a blond woman. She was so beautiful that I hardly knew how to react. Her pose was statuesque and her hair long and golden. Next to her stood a burly man with dark slightly curled short hair. He had his arm around her.

Then there was the blond guy and the pixie-like girl. The girl seemed eager and the blond seemed very calm. I supposed this was Edward's siblings.

I tried my best to recall what Edward had mentioned about his siblings in earlier talks and what I'd written down, and I was almost certain that I knew who was who. Not necessarily from remembering what I'd read, but out of the process of elimination. We'd also spoken about his family throughout the day, and that gave me clues as well.

"Bella, we're very glad you could come," Esme stepped forward slowly, almost as if she was assessing my state of mind. I couldn't help but grin hugely at how kind she seemed to be and I moved freely towards her.

"Hello Mrs. Cullen," I replied politely. "It's really wonderful to finally meet you," I told her. Of course, I had no idea how long Edward and I had been together, so I had no idea really how long I'd wanted to meet her. She didn't seem to mind though and she smiled radiantly to me.

"Hello, Bella, I am Carlisle, Edward's father," Carlisle shook my hands and Esme assured me that I must call her Esme.

"And these are my siblings," Edward's voice was almost bored, but I detected a hint of excitement. His eyes were excited too and I smiled at him.

"Bella! It's sooo nice to meet you!" Alice was the first one to meet me. I was certain this was her, as she matched Edward's description. That would mean that the blond guy had been Jasper and the two others Rosalie and Emmet.

"Hello Alice, I'm very pleased to meet you too!" I laughed at her eagerness and she squealed when I got her name right.

"And you must be Jasper?" I asked and shook hands with him. He seemed impeccably polite and distanced himself politely from me after we shook hands. I decided not to mind it and briefly wondered if I'd ever been told why.

"And Rosalie and Emmett," I greeted. Emmett hugged me tightly and I loved how familiar he seemed to be.

"Welcome to the family, Bella!" Emmett grinned at me hugely and Rosalie came and hugged me as well. Her hug seemed very reserved, but it was obvious that she was pleased on Edward's behalf.

"We're very glad you could come by," Esme said as introductions were over, "we realize how hard this must be," she added. I nodded and considered it.

"I _think_ it's not that hard… Edward is… familiar," I replied truthfully. It sounded utterly dreadful to say that my heart recognized him, so I didn't, but it was what I meant. The looks sent around between the family members made me feel as if they knew what I meant.

"You have a very beautiful and open home," I commented. "Who plays?" I wondered and gestured to the piano. My mother had always wanted one and I briefly wondered if she still did. It made me slightly sad not to know about my parent's changes. I let it go quickly as Alice responded.

"Edward does, of course," Alice grinned hugely.

"Really? I had no idea. Have you told me that?" I wondered. I tried to recall something I'd read today or perhaps from Edward's and my conversations, but I came up blank.

"I might've mentioned it," he replied with a shrug. I wished I could remember. While I could read up on a lot of things, there were so much more that I didn't have the time to check up on.

"Can you play for me?" I asked and before the sentence ended he was by the piano. He played a beautiful piece and I found it comfortably repetitive. It reminded me of my own life.

"It's a melody I wrote after I met you," he confided. I was touched by his words and the gesture and I hugged him as hard as I could. It was like hugging a rock. Still, I was pretty sure I'd never tire from it.

We spent the rest of the day at the house. Edward gave me an elaborate tour and for once I didn't take notes. I felt energized by the idea that soon he might not have to repeat it. As the evening progressed we met the family downstairs and I decided to take charge of the conversation.

"Edward mentioned you don't sleep," I commented. My purpose was obvious.

"I wish I could tell you to think about this. We all have a difficult time, but considering your position 'taking some time' might not be useful," Carlisle told me truthfully. I nodded in agreement.

"I do need time, or rather, the people around me do," I informed the family. I looked towards Edward. "It's difficult to explain, but I _know_ Edward. I don't have to look at his picture before he arrives or read about him. The moment I see him I remember him. Somehow," I trailed off.

"The thing is: I think the potential I feel for Edward is wasted. As if loving him properly takes 2 days, but every day I'm reset, so I never get to fill out my quotient. I want to be like you so that I can remember, but also so that I can be with Edward," I squeezed his hand lovingly. He looked ecstatic.

"What are your ideas?" Esme wondered.

I laughed lightly, "Well, considering my predicament I've only spent a few hours thinking this through. I suppose I will need your help so that me don't trek through old tracks…" I told her. "I realize that Charlie will have to believe I'm dead… as well as Renee," I added. It hurt a bit to think of, but at the same time I found myself calmly accepting of this fact.

"This hurts a lot. And it won't hurt less, because next time it will feel like just as new a thought as it does now…"

The conversation continued to flow like this and I heard each family member's story while Edward took notes on my tablet, so that I wasn't distracted.

I was surprised at the depth of it all, but it only swayed me towards them more.

The only question that ended up mattering was Renee and Charlie and how to get about it. I hated the idea of them in pain, but perhaps I didn't have a choice. There was also a small matter regarding La Push. If I suddenly died they'd become suspicious, or so Carlisle pointed out. I was surprised to find out those there existed wolves as well.

I had so many questions regarding to supernatural world. Did witches exist? Did trolls? I reeled myself in, because I had to remind myself that it would be a waste of time right now.

My idea was that we told the tribe the truth. None of the Cullens liked this idea.

Another idea, albeit a riskier one, was to tell Charlie that I would be going to a test facility in Europe to repair the damage done. We could pretend it was a risky procedure and once I was turned I could keep up with Charlie through mail. Perhaps years later we could meet and I could use make-up to hide my youth.

It seemed too risky.

The idea was wonderful, though, as I got to keep Charlie, but I knew it couldn't work.

"We have to speak to the tribe. Charlie will need them," I decided. Edward looked saddened at the idea of me losing my family.

As evening turned late Edward drove me home. I had a lot to think about and a lot had been recorded.

I worried about the standstill I'd personally reach as morning came. All I had considered tonight would be reconsidered tomorrow and nothing new would come from it.

I could only see one option and that was to just do it. I told Edward as much and he agreed solemnly.

* * *

Weeks later I was sitting in my room, reading my tablet and updating myself. Edward was out hunting with his family. He had stayed the night. Man was I shocked when I awoke to find someone in my room!

I smiled to myself. I had calmed when I had seen Edward. It seemed utterly right. I wanted to laugh out loud at the giddiness I felt.

As I sat considering things the doorbell rang. Charlie was out fishing so I went to open. I was surprised to find Billy at the door. He was accompanied by an elderly man I didn't recognize.

"Hey Billy!" I greeted happily. I had no idea he was in a wheelchair, as I had yet to read up on him and had only briefly seen his picture. I think most of my days nowadays were spent considering my predicament with Edward and giving space to little else. It was slow-going after all, but every morning Edward reminded me of his nature and my predicament. Every day I read up on everything. It seemed repetitive and moving onwards was incredibly slow-going, if I was moving onwards at all.

"Charlie is fishing," I told him regretfully. He seemed very serious and I didn't know why.

"I know, I came to speak to you," he confessed. I was uncertain what this was about, but I nodded and invited both men inside. Did Billy know of my predicament? Of course he did, he had to. Otherwise it would be a pretty awkward conversation.

"What's up?" I wondered. Billy seemed to be uncomfortable. I shook hands with the other man who introduced himself as Harry.

"I wanted to hear about the boyfriend Charlie is talking about," it seemed pretty odd for him to mention and suddenly I worried that I'd let something slip or that he knew something I didn't.

"What about him?" I wondered honestly. Both Billy and Harry were now uncomfortable and frowning. They glanced at each other.

"Bella, I care a lot about you. You're Charlie's kid and it's great that you're staying with him…" Billy started out very calmly. "And I realize that with your predicament things can be very tough…" he continued with a surprisingly soothing voice, "but the thing is… We're worried about you, because –and Charlie doesn't know this, as it doesn't concern him- we at the reservation have a long history with the Cullens and we've come to tell you that you need to be very careful around this guy you're seeing." I realized right away that Billy had to know about Edward and his family. I had no idea how. But I did have to make sure.

I treaded carefully, "so… you know about their _illsness_?" I wondered innocently. The look they gave each other was a clear confirmation that they _knew_ it wasn't an illness. I decided to tackle it straight on instead. "I can see you _do_ know that they're vampires," the surprises on both their faces was evident.

"So you know," Harry stated and I nodded my head.

"I know it all," I told them both. "And it seems as if you really want to object, but before you do, please let me tell you _my_ story," I moved to fetch something in my room. It was a series of pictures from scans of my brain taken a few weeks prior. I was still amazed by the pictures.

"I've only known for weeks that they're vampires, but every day Edward reminds me. Every day I _remember_ him," I told him. Billy snorted and Harry looked cold. I showed them the pictures.

"A series of scannings were taken a few weeks ago at the facility. I told them I seemed to recognize Edward and so they wanted to see if I recognized other things…. I don't. It's just him," I showed them hour the different centers of my brain lit up as I recalled Edward or saw pictures of him.

I explained about being in love with him. They didn't hold much stock in it, but I didn't give up.

"Billy, the only chance of me ever to remember fully is to become a vampire. I want to be with Edward already," Billy looked thunderous at this thought. "Please don't be angry, but think about it. Unless I mention this visit in my journal I won't know it happened… You have no idea how it feels like to live have a life such as mine…"

"And what do you know about love, when you cannot remember?" Billy wondered. I felt sad and angered.

"Did I not just show you the pictures? Are they not proof that Edward is more than just a vampire? I don't recall his family, ONLY Edward. It's only ever Edward. I'm his mate… "

I tried a different tactic: "He tried to leave" Billy looked at me surprised, "but he had to come back. The pain of me not knowing him hurt him. Of me not remembering him," I told him.

"I think there's little else to say," Harry said when silence fell. Both men seemed angry and they left with no other word. I wished I knew how to get through to them.

I wrote the experience into my journal and made it a priority to read up on it every day I updated myself, but I was glad to go to bed and forget it when night came. When morning came I was less than happy, but it quickly changed when seeing Edward.

* * *

I was turning 18. It was really weird to know this and it was even weirder looking into the mirror. It wasn't that I'd changed a lot, but there were noticeable changes.

I frowned as I stared at the date of my accident. For other two years I'd had this terrible affliction. For over two years I'd been at a standstill with my life; never moving on, never able to.

Charlie found me less than pleased in my room and worried.

"We can skip if you like," he told me truthfully. I shook my head. I'd spent the entire day with the Cullens and Edward. Tonight I would be spending my birthday at La Push with Charlie and some friends. I didn't recall them, so I spent the ride reading up on them.

Of course, what I read about Billy didn't make my mood better.

Nonetheless I managed to find a smile when Billy and Jacob greeted us. Jacob had grown incredibly tall and he looked to me in his twenties rather than a teenager. For a moment I worried I had mistaken him and someone else.

"Don't worry, Bella – it's me!" Jacob laughed. I assumed I'd had this worry before and I smiled and his carefree attitude.

"Hey Billy," I greeted, still amazed by Jacob.

For a while we chatted and I noticed that Billy seemed to look at me intently. I worried he was going to try to have a discussion about the Cullens, but nothing seemed to happen.

"Ahh shoot, Jacob, could you go by milk," Billy commanded just as Harry arrived. Harry was having a very serious conversation with Charlie about fishing and I drifted to the kitchen automatically. I was checking out the menu when Billy rolled into the kitchen.

"Hey Billy. It looks good," I told him.

"Bella, I wanted to talk to you," I frowned in response, "I talked to the Cullens," he added, "or rather Jacob and Sam talked to them. Jacob's a wolf," he explained. I stared at him in shock. "Oh. And so is Sam," I had no idea who Sam was, but it seemed I had been told before and needed to be told again.

"The council has decided that we agree to let you become one of them," his voice was still and I felt oddly disconnected. It seemed so sudden and unexpended it all.

"Why?" I whispered quietly.

"Bella, you convinced us. It took us a while to talk about it, but we all agreed that we couldn't ignore the lack of life you have with your current predicament… At the same time I don't really truly believe that you're not under their spell-"he held up a hand to forestall my comments, "but I realize that once you're a vampire you won't be under their spell… So we're offering you a chance of protection. Odd as it sounds. Once you're changed come to us. And if you were under a spell and wants our…" he trailed off. I wasn't sure what would happen, but I was incredibly touched by the notion.

"Really?" I whispered.

"I would be a monster to force you to live like you do now when there's another way," he said regretfully. For a while we stared at each other.

"Thank you," I whispered. "… Will you take care of Charlie for me? I don't think he can know," I whispered.

"It'll be hard for him to lose you," Billy replied in a whisper as well.

The rest of my birthday was a boisterous affair and I actually managed not to think about my conversation with Billy.

Upon leaving I texted Edward

_We have the elders' blessing_

I didn't receive a reply, but Edward was in my room when I got home.

It was a terrible to think about what I had to do to Charlie, but I knew it had to be done. I trusted La Push to take care of him.

Not a month later the final preparations were made. I tried to spend my time as I normally did, which seemed like a hopeless affair, as every day I was reminded of what was to come and every day I almost wanted to regret and every day I wanted to hug Charlie and keep him close as well as remind him how much I loved him. However, my attitude turned out to be a perfect setup for a suicide.

I even got to write a note with my final farewell. It was painful, more painful that I imagined. I felt like I was just running headlong into the darkness, with only videos of myself telling me to _just do it_.

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	9. The End

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**Chapter 9**

The house seemed eerily abandoned and even creepier with the note on the counter. Or rather letter, for I had found I had so much to say to Charlie.

It had been utterly painful and Edward had been banned from the scene. It was only Esme and Carlisle. Carlisle did the work and Esme held me as I cried my heart out. I didn't want Edward to see this and Esme had worried that Edward would change his mind.

"It's going to be alright," Esme whispered. Carlisle drove my car while Esme sat with me on the backseat, trying to make me feel better.

It wasn't that I didn't know the necessity of it all. It was just that it was all so sudden; sudden because I'd learned about every plan, every argument and every idea today. I'd seen my own videos explaining everything and I seemed to persuade myself to trust myself and the Cullens and just _do it_.

It was evening and Charlie had to work late. Billy and Harry was meeting him at the station and had planned to watch sports at the house; conveniently made up so that they could be there when Charlie saw the letter. Carlisle and Esme had told me about La Push and the werewolves and how helpful they'd been. There seemed to be something missing from the information I'd been given, but I'd been too worried to think about details.

It wasn't chilly, despite it being overcast and winter, but perhaps I was too emotionally wrecked to register things normally. I watched as Carlisle took a look at me before pushing my car from the cliff. I had nodded in accept to his gaze; he seemed to want to give me a chance to back out.

But I couldn't. The only pain I felt was for my parents, for Charlie coming home in a few hours to the silent house and for Renee to be alone. She was perhaps my biggest worry, but knowing she had Phil helped me. All else in me was excited about Edward. We'd spent the entire day together, from very early morning when he'd awoken me to give me as much time as possible to prepare.

As I watched the car disappear into the ocean I turned to Esme.

"I'm ready," I lied easily. I had prepared myself well through my notebook and my pictures. I'd removed everything supernatural from it and replaced it all with angst and teenage wishes. In hopes of my father finding his own entry on it I had added loving words and hopes and dreams on his behalf. I hoped he would never be in doubt about my love for him.

Esme carried me to another car and Carlisle drove us for a few hours. We were getting close to night when we reached our destination and I found Edward inside. I managed to keep myself serene in his presence, but I had an idea that I only managed because I was so confused by everything.

"Edward, it's time," Carlisle said. The entire family would be staying with me, except for Carlisle and Edward. Carlisle had his job to maintain as cover while Edward would certainly be visited by Charlie and had no real cover. Esme could be believed to help Alice and Jasper visit universities and according to the story Rosalie and Emmet were already away at university.

The uncertainty I'd felt almost disappeared when I saw Edward. It was as if something in my _clicked_ and I knew that this was where I belonged.

It felt utterly right to stride to his side, to lean into his embrace and take the deepest breath ever.

His smell flushed away the turmoil I felt and a deep calm settled in my stomach.

"When you see me next I'll beat you to Canada," I heard him whisper. I had no witty comeback, to fancy remark, but I leaned back from our embrace and looked into his eyes.

This was where I belonged. There was no need to ask if I was ready and Edward lifted me softly from the ground, hardly without me noticing, and placed me on the bed. With a calm movement he brought my wrists to his face, where he kissed them gently.

I felt calm staring into his eyes and I urged him gently to go ahead.

He gave me a final kiss and then, quicker than I could see, he had bitten my hands and up the arms. He was swiftly out of the door and I managed confident "I love you" before Carlisle was gone as well.

"It's going to work out perfect," Alice promised with a wink. I felt comforted by this. I managed a vague smile before the pain truly set it.

**The End.**

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**This is the review part**


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